Shiny Violet Star

Monday, September 20, 2021

Say it With Your Chest

 I know I should be doing a blog post for July and August, however, a lot happened (lots of really great things and not so great things) and maybe I'll eventually get to it. However, since this is my own blog, I thought I would vent a little bit because I am frustrated with some stuff and it's easier to take this here rather than on Instagram and Twitter. For my mental health's sake and to kind of express some sentiments I realized were being shared across a few social media platforms other than my own when it comes to gyaru recently. 

I've noticed and have even been told that people kind of have this huge surge of distrust within the community lately. I'm not quite sure where exactly this is stemming from considering that I do not participate in any of the online groups but I certainly can empathize with those who have expressed this feeling given my previous experiences. This is exactly why I made the decision to stick to my own social media accounts only and limit my engagement to people who chose to willingly approach me. I have felt the same way as others have and thought that by isolating myself to be only on my own platforms, it would minimize the drama that comes with a group that has been in the past notorious for drama and in all, has a habit of being silently shitty. 

As much as I'd love to think things have improved (and hey, maybe they have in some sense) they haven't in such a weird way from my understanding and from my own personal experiences. Also, surprisingly, my method of filtering through shit doesn't fully work either because others are pissed off by opinions I made in my own space...? I thought I would try to appropriately address how I feel about this issue. Hopefully I'm eloquent enough to get my point across to those who choose to read what I have to say. Otherwise, you can go play in another playground or some shit. You don't have to leave but you can't stay here. haha... Regardless of this and as cheesy as it's gonna sound; I'm going to do the thing that feels the most gal fittingly enough. Imma say what I have to say with my fucking chest. 

Anyway, I feel like it's a really weird environment that's formed lately. We have newcomers who are kinda entitled and disrespectful as a whole. I'm not trying to throw any names on blast but trust me, I've shown people close to me the DMs I get. It's everything between people demanding I give them a list of other brands, to trying to wager prices for my wardrobe...ect.ect.... It's pretty disheartening to feel as if your only use is to find things for other people or to even see stuff scalped based on others leeching on someone's genuine enthusiasm. It's certainly hurt our community and has created a divide as to if gals should be sharing brand resources etc. I've taken a more aggressive approach towards my opinion on this issue but I think that is also a response to some of the rudeness and entitlement I've received. I kind of have a tough-love approach and dude, I excessively curse or whatever. Do not take that as anger all the time. You can't hear tones or pedagogy through text...  If anyone's been on voice chat with me, you know exactly what I am talking about.

I usually share my frustrations because others who are closest to me slide into my DMs and share very same sentiments. Due to me being kind of an outsider of the outsiders regardless of my ability to do and be gyaru-I don't lack the fear of the repercussions of being disliked fully on a community page. I've said it plenty of times but I'll reiterate the fact that I do not need community validation to say that I am "enough" or whatever. I don't abide by rules, social hierarchy, or whatever else has been put in place. I'll say it like it is as mentioned. 

I encourage others to have the same mindset before becoming disheartened with themselves or with their negative experiences with gyaru. You do not need a community of people that you barely know truly to validate your experiences as one. Sometimes you have to take advice or standards with a grain of salt and really consider where and who exactly it is coming from. If someone is giving an opinion on their own social media, then they have a right to their own space and that doesn't mean you, in particular, have to take their insight on a certain subject to heart. Especially if you do not regularly engage with said person. This even applies to me. If you don't like what I have to say on my own social media, it's as easy as unfollowing me, not supporting my content, or blocking me if I'm popping up into your feed still. It's really that simple. 

Who you personally engage with feel a bit safer because you'd like to think that you know where that person's intentions lie. You might already know that what someone says or advises is out of love for you, looking out for your best interest, or out of something that just isn't that deep.. 

More importantly, if you're having fun and are enthusiastic about what you're talking about. If you're excited to share and learn? You not being a certain way all the time or not being active enough doesn't make you any less authentic. You probably just have other priorities that need commitment and that is absolutely fine. YOU CAN DO BOTH. <3 And as much or as little as you want. I want to make that clear because some of you have expressed to be in private messages these anxieties and it saddens me knowing my friends and fellow gals feel as if they're not enough based on activity or whatever else when these are the gals who *know their shit*. Like truly some of you find and share the coolest things. We ALL in gyaru fashion have made contributions to things that are so valuable and very cool. Some people are super social and make people's days, other people are gal enthusiasts and share the coolest information about models and eras of style, others are super organized and create amazing events for people to participate in, other gals are amazing at hair and makeup, some are the most dedicated and disciplined paralists. 

We should have pride in all of that because that's what creates such an amazing foundation for others to learn from regardless of whether or not we always agree with each other. I think that's one thing we can all agree on. Hence why I get angered when people are ran out over bullying from all ends and it's not over people being hesitant about sharing the resources that they hold dear that are becoming limited. We share plenty of other things. We are just aware of the current environment and how it is affecting all of us in one way or another. 

I'm extremely thankful to those of you who DM and ask me about the intentions of my opinion or even go as far to have the courage to clear up any sort of misunderstanding with me. I know that can be an anxiety-inducing task and I truly appreciate it. Because I said before, you're saying it with your chest. You're not taking it to an anonymous place and letting simmer in the pot of shit. You're going directly to the source for your information. I know that sometimes can be difficult when there is distrust among people. 

I've been trying to contribute to the gals who support me and whom I know are in this style for the long run. I'm not intending to be selfish by no means. I'm just not keen on contributing to a problem that is has been occurring the past two years or so. If you follow certain peoples' socials you'd know they thank me for helping them. If I see something that reminds me of them, I gladly share. But if you don't know me personally, you may not know this about me. I'm willing to support people in my own camp. We have people intruding in on this community with no intention on contributing anything positive or meaningful to it but rather create an environment that only benefits them whether it be financially or emotionally-be it through the scalping that has made both regional markets really wild lately or by the people who have relentless harassed multiple seasoned gaijin gyaru based on whatever flavor of racism disguised as social justice is trending for the week. 

Lately, I feel like that is the case due to the invasion or police of people's social media. This is internal and external. Externally it's why these outside factors trying to police who can do gyaru based on race or region.  Which is nonsense and has unfortunately it has run off a ton of vetgals who make amazing content on their platforms. This saddens me because their contribution through media is so crucial for fashion and lifestyle education as well as just sharing a sense of community with other people. I've truly been angered by this because for years, I felt very alone on YouTube and other platforms. It's thrilled me seeing a CONSISTENT influx of content these past few years and I hate seeing outside people trying to dictate the narratives of other people rather than just scrolling past and moving along.

 Internally, as I've recently experienced, you never truly know who exactly you're talking to and whether not you can trust them. My only advice to clear up any miscommunication and mean what you say. The other party needs to also be open to listening and really understanding that maybe not everyone has ill will. It really does depend and I know it can be a bit scary to think that someone who you may think you vibe with secretly hates you or has invaded your personal space just to talk shit about you. When in reality, they shouldn't waste their time communicating with someone with whom they don't vibe with.

Let's be real, some of us straight up don't vibe with each other and that's fine. That's a part of life. You shouldn't be obligated to engage with people who you feel don't contribute positively to your space. I'm very sure that there will be other people who you will thrive and vibe with. Find your people and value them. Support them. Be open to having them support you. Be sure to have an open line of communication and I'm very sure that you will have a more pleasant experience. 

Sometimes that requires change on your part. For me, like I've explained, I had to take out the things that made me unhappy about gyaru in order to do the things that made me happy. That is going to very between people. My way of going about this may not be your way. That's something I can't give advice on because it's rather personal don't you think?

You have to have the ability to pick and choose what you want to let in in regard to personal choices. Otherwise, you're going to be miserable attempting to adapt to something that you don't align with. 

Gyaru has always been a huge part of my life. Even when I have look fully looked, there are parts that won't go away out of habit. I've never quite found a fashion that's more me than gyaru and admittedly as I've confessed to others, it's been used as anti-depressant for me. It's always been a mantra of mine, "If I can just push through this and work very hard, I'll be able to do the thing I enjoy finally." It gives me something to look forward to when I do get to pop my head in and make it count. 

I hope for others it's also a light at the end of a tunnel. It should be something that brings you joy rather than something that chips away at your mental health based on external factors that have nothing to do with your ability to want to learn, share, and thrive. It's saddened me seeing people similarly leave like how I considered doing so or debating on whether this is the space for them or not. All I can say is that it is what you make of it. 

Anyway, I've written this post half in a tired daze. Life's been kind of wild on my end. I'm dealing with a family member going through a substance relapse and while I cannot control the external factors as of yet, I've recently have been focusing on revamping my space to be warm, safe, and overall just happier. Mainly so I have the ability to be more so productive and less mentally drained. I'm in my last semester of university and I'm kinda stressed but very excited to graduate and (hopefully) find a stable and fulfilling career in the future so I can change more of my external factors in the future. In all, I've been treating myself kindly. And you should too. <3 

Stay well. Until next time!

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

July Monthly Post + Gyaru Gripes

 We are midway into the month, so I thought I should do a backlog of June for you ya'lls. :) As always, I hope ya'll don't mind since some you already know this information via Instagram.

But first and foremost, thank you all so much for your comments on my previous blog. I am very very grateful for them and I appreciate that you all find me doing a monthly blog as being a good thing. Like I said, unlike a lot of the other gaijin gyaru, my life isn't nearly as interesting so I never know whether or not what I say will be fun enough in blog posts. 

June started off by me getting my second dose of the vaccine. I was super grateful for Ichigo's help because without them? It wouldn't have happened. Any time I do get to go out, I use it as an excuse to dress up, so of course, I did a very princessy Liz Lisa look. 

I love wearing maxis out and about because they're super comfortable. I got this one in a haul I did back in Feb/March? And I totally was waiting for a fun chance to wear it out with some vintage Diamante heels. I tried backcombing my hair and doing a princess style with it. All of it is in my real hair so it's not super big without the extra help but I don't think it turned out too bad. 

For accessories, I wore one of my little flower combs in white. I have another set that reminds me of the infamous Diamante print that I eventually want to wear out. I first had a Chrome Hearts necklace on in gold with a Vivienne Westwood orb ring but then I got some more Vivienne accessories in the mail that I had always wanted and switched out to that because I thought it would look cuter. The blue and white coord felt more cool-toned so gold kinda clashed. 

The Vivienne piece has stars in the center and is silver. I really wish I could have found the matching ring that goes with the earrings necklace. 

Ichigo also wore Liz Lisa that day!! I was so surprised. I knew that they had LL but I'm so adapt to them being in darker clothing/SPR that I almost forgot that they have the cute shit too. So we were Liz Lisa royalty together that day. 

They kindly requested that I not vlog that day, so I made good to respect that wish and only took really short videos and pics of our time out. Sometimes I just really want to be in the moment with my friends since it's extremely rare that I ever get to see anyone unless they come me (and I'm out the way). 

The lady that administered my second shot loved my eye make up so much. I was really flattered because I was actually lowkey suffering and actually had to rip off my eyelashes and reapply them before I even entered Rite-aid. I had ran out of fucking eyelash glue without knowing and I had a vial coming but it wasn't coming until Monday and it was Saturday. Ha! That's torturous timing. 

I had fused Dollywink No. 1s and 2s together to create a super-extended eye look but was desperate and used 10+ year old Dollywink glue that was in my deadstock no 1 box and it was just....-facepalm- Ichigo actually came to my rescue and hocked a glue at me so god bless but fucking hell, it was really chaotic energy. 

The lady actually complimented my eyeshadow work which I was very grateful for because I tried to do that a little bit differently than usual. Because my eyes are so hooded, if I do really heavy gal make, it's hard to see clear bands/Dollywinks on me. So I tried to really keep the colors light. She wanted to know what exactly I used and I actually used a Pat McGrath Mothership I dupe but they don't make it anymore so I just said it was Pat McGrath. The bottom inner-corners are Etude House Mirrorholic which is cute but eventually, I wanna splurge on my Stila glitters because those truly do look absolutely amazing. 

After my shot, Ichigo and I headed off to the same plaza as the last time in my previous vlog. However, indoor dining was open finally in California, and Ichigo had never been to Kura before, so we decided to go there for sushi. I technically only go for the inari but they have pretty decent kitsune udon and I loooooove their karage. <3 

Kura is one of those sushi belt places where you order on the computer screen like in Japan and they also have the gacha so it's a very fun experience and I was glad that Ichigo got to properly enjoy it. We also hit up Ranch 99 again because why not? I also finally got 85C this time because the last time they didn't have anything and it's literally my favorite bakery. I super recommend the green tea over there and the brioche bread. The Hokkaido cake cups are also pretty fire. 

Afterwards, we went back to my house and took some cute pictures together since we were both in Liz Lisa and fawned over a stray cat that I've partially adopted. 

And that was my day. Not crazily interesting but it was okay. I was falling apart at the end of it because my eyelashes hated me so sadly, I didn't get to film any videos. 

So where has they lead me into July?'s been pretty dark and wild. A lot of crap has gone on in my personal life so I haven't been really able to be as active as I wish I could be. I've been bedridden through physical pain that is worsening as I age. I've had some reoccurring family issues that have wounded me. I've had to make phone calls back and forth to my school because somebody isn't fucking doing their job over there. It's also been 100+ degrees over here and I've honestly been dying on my floor and disassociating. I currently got back into watch anime again realizing I should enjoy doing so before I literally have no time to just potato and do this because I'll be adulting. Some bad shit happened one night at my place, I threw on my project and noise-cancelling headphones to drown out some bullshit and decided to watch SK8 The Infinity. I was wondering what all of the hype was and my baby brother actively skateboards (I told you, he's a cool kid) so I was, "Oh! Let me try this..."

Let me tell you, the hell that I entered in, I was absolutely not prepared for. AHAHA. Ooohhh. My double life on the internet outside of gyaru is fandom shit. I write trashy fanfic and Matchablossom truly ruined me in ways that I cannot explain. Which helps because I was really into High&Low for a while and just...the fandom is dead. Fic is hard to find. hard to find. So Matchablossom truly did save my summer and helped me kind of indulge in a world that wasn't my own for a change through SK8. <3 I even did a pairing inspired snack-spread for Kojirou's birthday because I'm just that much of a loser. haha. 

I know that I have posted a lot of food also in this post and I'd like to say, that I have currently taken up cycling. I got myself a stationary bike a few weeks ago and I've been grinding pretty hard on it. I actually hurt my arm using the arm exercise thingies on there a week or so ago and it really sucked because I really wanted to do gyaru shit and my arm ached like something fierce. My ankles are also pretty swollen which is concerning but I'm trying to push through it. 

So for last week's video, I basically fought through wrist pain and did a Sunamono food video because it's been awhile since I've done a food video (the last one was okonomiyaki) just so I could create something for ya'll... 

Sometimes I'll intend to do shit and either it will be too chaotic here or something garbage will happen and throw my plans out the window. It's pretty discouraging.. 

 Latety I've been focusing my attention onto nurturing and encouraging other people in the gyaru community because that is what I feel like is best. Just because I feel like shit doesn't mean others have to be and I honestly enjoy seeing my friends thrive and live their best lives. I kinda get to live through them when I am down and out and I enjoy that. This brings me to a point that I think has lowkey been floating around-whether or not someone is gal enough based on activity. 

Personally, I've never thought that mattered as much given the fact that people live very different lifestyles and don't always get the luxury of just up and doing what they want whenever they want. Plus sometimes, shit just happens. I don't think there's any need to push one's self for the sake of Instagram or looking a certain way in public when you feel like shit. That's just not how things realistically work you know? 

I think there's a lot of comparison games that go around sometimes thanks to social media and curated content and I've never been about that life? I could care less about my follower count or how active I am. As long as I put love and effort in when I have the time and mindset to do so? It's fine. There were a couple of you who said in my previous post that I deserved way more credit for the work that I've done, and I'm very very grateful for that acknowledgment. I very grateful that others can see the love and effort I do put into my looks when I do pop my head into say hello. I'm certainly a bit of a chameleon and don't limit myself to a particular substyle even though I have fortes in agejo, rokku, ect. I'm glad that others appreciate that diversity because honestly, I just enjoy really eccentric fashion overall (and I think that's what *maybe* will keep Japan's fashion scene fun for me over there rather than me praying that gal fashion will make the comeback that I want it to). While I do not need validation from others,  it does feel nice to be seen and appreciated. I do what I can when I can and I'm glad that is treasured by some. 

Lately, I've definitely gone through a pretty large dry spell with gyaru and just overall imposter syndrome where I feel like because my life isn't as interesting or as active, that maybe I am not gal enough or good enough. That's sometimes a hard feeling to shake. A part of me feels like I do not owe a community that kind of put me through hell at one point, anything at all. I do not need the "okay" from others to dictate whether my lifestyle is "enough" for them. 

I remember when I was more active in the comm even two years or so back where I felt pressured to always have something out and every outing needed to be documented as "proof" on insta or whatever that I was doing gyaru or enough or etc. etc. based on the company I kept and it literally got to where I grew to hate the thing that I loved that was supposed to be a chill de-stress type of thing for me. Gyaru has always been a motivator for me or something to look forward to. I always have that condition of, "once I get through this shit or feel better, I get to do this and I'm looking forward to it" but at one point, I got to where I was like, "This is genuinely stressing me out and it's making me want to do it less because there's this weird-ass expectation to be on point all the time that I never signed up for"... or whatever. 

The amount of pressure that alleviated off of my chest once I got out of all that was so freeing. haha.. I did a whole social media purge/left the fucking internet for awhile and did fashion stuff without posting even and it felt so great. That's honestly what got my mojo back though lately, I feel like I am falling into that pit again hence why I'm like 'ugh, why am I stressed over something I usually enjoy?' 

At my age, I do think that I am growing a bit tired. I've done this for ten years straight with and without a community. With and without a gal-cir. Without a lot that some people are very lucky to have. For most of my gal-experience, I've done it all while been extremely isolated and that's sometimes hard to manage. I've always been the lone local gal or the one person the J-Fashion people poke at because I've been around for a long time by myself and am the one that people use to kind of switch stuff up because I'm not doing Harajuku fashion. My gal style also not the typical hardcore look that people typically associate with the fashion so it's something that I really to try to give myself credit for because I feel like I'm going entirely against the grain of what's expected and I always have. The cuter stuff is getting bigger lately and I'm so happy to see it but literally a year ago, what I was doing was kind of discredited or not seen as gal enough because it wasn't hardcore or old school. Ironically, I wanna wear Alba soon when hardly anyone is back on that hype now, but I think it's because I'm the bitch who always loves to switch stuff up every now a then when I can get the chance to. 

I don't think I do too terribly given my limitations. Most shit I do is in the confines of my room not because I'm afraid to go out in gal (trust me, I go out in the world in my shit depending on time/place/safety) but because there's nowhere TO go to. I live in the middle of nowhere too so there's nowhere really to go? All my friends live in the Bay Area or Sacramento and I'm wayyy out of the way for them and I don't drive-hence why I'm stuck in my room all the time. It's why I'm in university studying very hard. It's to upscale my life and make it much more interesting in the future. 

Currently, the whole COVID situation for sure slowed my roll. Even my classes for next semester are online and it's kind of a bummer because I enjoyed going out places dressed up even if it was for class. In my room, it just feels pointless because usually after hours worth of sitting through Zoom classes, I just wanna take a nap before doing homework. haha...  But like I said, it's why I'm in university. So I can get the fuck out of here and start truly living my best life. <3 I can't wait to have a stable job and have the luxury of traveling more and just overall having a more interesting life in the very near future. 

I also occasionally really do burn out and grow uninspired by gyaru, I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way that's been in this for the long haul... Not a lot of new shit is coming out lately that interests me so it's a lot of a repeat of the old stuff from forever ago. I don't think anything new has excited me since the 3D floral print era of 2015-2016ish? I miss being excited for clothing collections and all. I miss Tokyo Girls Collection being exciting and anticipating each season's release. I'd even be excited about the music guests and special models they'd bring in out of nowhere. I miss wanting to head to 109 for more than just the novelty of wanting to go to 109 in the future. 

I stay informed with the new stuff but I think I'm just old and bitter. I don't understand Gen Z fashion *at all* and it just all looks ugly to me. So while I do see new stuff coming out, it doesn't appeal to me because I'm a fucking grandma and don't understand it. Though I will say, I'm thrilled that eye makeup is getting heavier again. I just wish clothing was more interesting or just...not so god damn ugly. 

I certainly find inspiration from other gaijin gals and I'm very grateful for that. A lot of gals who actively interact with me keep me enthusiastic even if I'm down for the count. I love bouncing ideas off each other or just chatting and remembering old times fondly. That's kind of what's kept me optimistic lately. 

At the same time though, I've always felt like an outsider of the outsiders.  Like I said before, my experience has been extremely isolated not just in person but online too but given my encounters with others in past even with the online community but I almost rather it be that way. How I see it, is with online communities, you are putting yourself out there for whatever. Anyone can start shit with you for no reason at any moment because it's an open platform via a community. However, if someone is on my page, they'd look pretty silly picking a fight with me because it's easy as just not following me if you don't like my shit? I also find that if if you appreciate my content, then the interaction is genuine rather than forced just because I just so happen to be a part of the same thing as you? I like it a lot more and I love the DMs I get about a lot of different subjects on fashion, gyaru, life, ect.  I don't know if that choiceful isolation that deems me not gal enough but if that's the case, so be it. I feel gal enough for myself if that is any consolation to myself. A lot of people often ask me why I never joined online communities and be very transparent, I get wayyyy too caught up in the standards set by other people and it just doesn't make it a fun time for me. 

I certainly have goals for the future as I've mentioned here in the past and on this post. 

Short-term goals include unfucking my lost package out of Chicago for god's sake and doing a proper haul video. It's truly a huge ass haul and one I think a lot of people would like. It's all cute shit.  I found some unknown rare brand and it kind of duals up with Lizzie's upcoming haul (we enabled each other and shopping together as gal pals do) so I'm really hoping my package gets unlost because it's truly a good one. If not, hey, you'll get to see pretty things from Lizzie because we bought from the same fucking brand (hell, I'm the one who showed some of the stuff to her and she lost her mind and she looks good in ALL of the stuff she bought btw).

 It's also summertime and I wanna wear my Alba at least once. However, I want an outfit pic and that's hard to do yourself and it's hard to ask the people you live with for help when they don't like your style and will most definitely give you shit for it. And at this rate? I'm already feeling low enough to where I don't need that type of energy in my life. I didn't ask for that. haha...But I know one day, it won't be that way. I just have to hold on for a minute and I'll be able to live my own life as I please without that type of toxicity. 

 I also have a manga rec video by a gal for gyaru/j-fashion people I wanna do and I've been taking notes and hoarding pics/scans for the video. I feel like a lot of recs are like...the otaku stereotype of gyaru and I'm just over it. Please, lemme give you some good ones. Hell, I even have some fun BL ones thrown in (god bless Ogeretsu Tanaka but I have more than just Neon Sign Amber, I promise haha)

I also will finally be going on another adventure next Thursday. It's a dentist appointment so no gyaru makeup because ahaha that shit would like right on the fuck off under those lights with water spraying. So I'll probably wear a really fun androg look with some of my new SPR clothing which will be fun. Imma treat it like dressing for an outdoor summer rock music festival or some shit. It's just way less eyecatching than LL or gyaru in general and the more intimidating/not hyper-feminine I look on public transportation, the less in danger I'll feel on it if that makes any sense. I only truly feel reassured when I have friends with me and even then, assholes still have the gall to try it. :') 

However, I'm thinking about vlogging my adventure post dentist trip since I have to stall around. I'll probably do it in the style of the vlogs you've seen with me with captions and my face cropped out (because I'll be wrecked after the dentist). We'll see how my phone holds up since the battery is absolute ass and I'm basically holding out until the 13 Pro drops so I can properly enjoy my gimbal without my phone shitting out. 

Anyway, sorry for this being a weird ass blog. I've been kind of feeling low for a few weeks and it felt nice getting shit off of my chest. Thank you guys as always for encouraging and just overall being patient with me. 

Saturday, June 5, 2021

First Time Outside of my Neighborhood in a Year with Ichigo + Future Aspirations after the Ending of Semester+ Sakura Goodies and Tech Investments

 I had a look planned for today and my time of the month decided to tell me, "fuck no"-so I thought I'd make up for it by writing a post instead since I can't be productive in other ways. 

Usually, I do monthly posts because my life isn't that interesting? Like most of the time guys, it's been a ton of schoolwork or me being a total potato because I'm tired from said schoolwork. This online learning deal has made me be extremely tired of being hunched over my laptop if that makes any sense? But then I have to edit or create content for ya'll on said computer so it's been a bit of a task for a minute as I just got on break around two weeks ago or so? 

Plus, anything you do read, you've most likely heard about through Instagram or a video already. I do monthly do that way I have more to talk about. I know a lot of gals do really short to the point blog posts, but I'm a little different. Some of ya'lls like the blog stuff so I do it so you guys can indulge. I miss blogging culture though. Back in the day, I used to be all about this blog and even beforehand, I had a Livejournal and a Xanga for god's sake. LOL. I was that bitch at one point and then decided that I really liked video and picture content creation more as soon as I had a camera.

However, blogging is comforting. I don't have to be made up to the nines like I have to be in pictures or a video. I can just write on down days like these you know? 

Anyway, my summer vacation has finally begun. I *finally* have time on my hands and I'm a little shook. I'm so used to just being stressed or having shit I need to do that it feels odd to be slowing down. I so feel like I need to enjoy it though. This is my last summer vacation ever before I join the workforce and don't get nearly as long of a time off. I'm very lucky because I've been permitted a lot more down time than the average person thanks to being a student for so long. However, I'm really eager to make income and be able to travel and do stuff maybe. That's probably naive of me considering student loans and stuff but I think I just want to be able to make progress in my life in a different way. 

Speaking of progress, I made straight As! This is actually kind of wild because this school year sucked ass. My school is okayish but the way they've handled this pandemic has truly frustrated me. I kind of settled for this university because it was the cheaper option compared to the Bay Area. However, the more time I spent away from Sacramento, the more I realized that I didn't fit there. I missed the Bay Area and realized that my heart truly is left in San Francisco. 

There's nothing wrong with Sacramento but when you have to function in "normal" places without friends, it's a little harder. I realized how different I was there and how easier it was for me to make friends at San Francisco State as a freshman versus Sacramento State as a junior. I think if I pursued my master's degree, I'd most likely transfer to my previous university. I love how Sacramento is a bit more laid back but honestly? I love really big cities. As a creative, that's where I'd thrive. I'm an English major after all and even though I'm 30 and should be wanting to settle down, I have no desire to. I have no significant other. I have no desire for children in the future. I don't want that white picket fence lifestyle with a bunch of wine clubs and soccer moms who bond while their kids are in school/daycare. It's never been my vibe so the suburbs have never been appealing for me. 

I live in an area like that now (but in the middle of nowhere) and it's extremely isolating as a 30-year-old single person who is perhaps a little bit behind on life. I like to comfort myself by reminding myself that it's better that I made the decisions in my mid to late 20s because I'm not an impulsive kid making big financial decisions without knowing who exactly I am. I've had time to do some self-reflection and experiment around with jobs, living spaces, and people to really figure out where I am happiest. I haven't gotten it all figured out yet but I think at my age I handle things a lot better than I would if I had been 21. I don't care about what other people are doing around me or what milestones they are hitting in comparison to me. I'm just living for me and following my own path and making the right goals set for me. People can judge me all they want but at the end of the day, I'm truly living my life for me. I'm not living it for other people and other people aren't living my life. 

SF is kind of in turmoil right now due to the pandemic but my hope is that if I ended up staying in the US, that I would be rewarded for wanting to live thereafter so many people fleed/dipped out of SF. The rent just needed to go down a little bit more of I need to get paid that sweet sweet Bay Area income in order to thrive properly. Sometimes I just look at apartment complexes just keep informed or wonder about the prospect of living said area. For now, the goal is Tokyo or at least somewhere in Kantou. LOL. I want to live in a different country for a little while just for the experience. I'm extremely privileged to be able to entertain that prospect and go after that dream. Technically, I would have graduated this semester but I'm getting my certificate in TESOL/TEFL so I can better teach English abroad in Japan. I feel like I'd be a better candidate with that under my belt. I want to entertain other job prospects later on in life but teaching was always my goal to start with honestly. I always thought it would be high school English literature but given the fact that I'd need to go to graduate school (and wouldn't even get a masters for that nonsense) and I can't afford that, I think going abroad is my next best option. 

Gosh my blogs are so serious with future prospects each time. I hope I'm not boring ya'll too much with it. I just feel like maybe if I write it down and work hard that I can somehow manifest it all into my wheelhouse. haha...

Anyway, on Saturday I had to go get my first dose of the vaccine. I chose the Pfizer one because that's the one being distributed in Japan apparently (just in case there's some type of discrepancy when I try to yeet), plus that one had the least wait time in between. I have a rather hefty to-do list over my final. After the vaccine, I need to take care of some health things. Mainly filling some cavities (I had a filling pop out during the pandemic and it's made that tooth eat shit) and getting a proper eye exam. I think I mentioned how I didn't want to buy new circle lenses until I figured out my new pointage, so I've just been wearing my holy grail Mimi lenses for a little bit while I wait it out. Then after all of that, I want to start working on getting my passport that way I can travel. 

But first comes first, I want to get my vaccine out of the way. Ichigo ended up helping me with this ordeal and I am *super grateful* about that because I don't drive. I don't live near ANYTHING and without their help, this wouldn't have happened. I live in a weird situation that I'm trying to get out of in regards to family, so sometimes I really do have to rely on my friends in order to get anything accomplished. It's extremely frustrating to have to rely on others (it places a dent in my pride, not gonna lie) but I know that soon, it won't be like that and I'll possibly have more control over my circumstances. Especially if I have income in order to send myself to other places that are more accessible to a non-driver. 

I blogged the adventure Ichigo so some of you already know the gist of it. I ended up going to Riteaid thinking nobody would think to go there because it's kind of in a weird location in my town. There was only one pharmacist doing the shots so we actually waited for-fucking-ever and I was grateful that I did a last minute outfit change with more comfortable shoes because I truly would have ate shit with the original plan. 

Speaking of my outfit, I did a really neat classic himekaji style look that I'm quite proud of. I've been waiting to do an orange look for FOREVER. -yodels- Orange isn't done a lot but whenever I do see an orange himekaji look, it leaves a huge impression on me because it's not a color that everyone just up and fucks with. 

I got this outfit way back in the wintertime and recently purchased some shorts to go under it as well as some cowboy boots. Would ya'll believe me if I said not one part of this whole getup is legit brand items at all? This is ALL from Aliexpress. The boots, the shorts, the top/dress thingie, the flowers in my hair, the eyelashes. All. Of. It. 

Honestly, this proves how accessible gyaru fashion is if you just *look around* and do your research. This whole e-girl thing combined with gyaru isn't gyaru. It's e-girl for a reason. There's a lot of Aliexpress items that really do look like Liz Lisa, ma*rs, and d.i.a but you have to coord them a certain way to really pull it the fuck off. People really did assume I was wearing all Liz Lisa that Saturday and I wasn't! haha... 

I used to back in the day go to these cheapy Chinese/Korean owned Asian fashion stores for my gyaru wear because overseas just somehow really values cuteness or intricacy better than the United States does so I really was able to find pieces that looked like Liz Lisa without it being Liz Lisa all the time. Same applies to Aliexpress. If you search around you'll really find what you're looking for. It's just a matter of coordinating it in a way that looks gyaru rather than looking like whatever they have shown as the stock image on Ali or what you see people on the internet wearing. 

I think a lot of the advice going around by really skilled gaijin gyaru applies here. Don't look at other gaijin gyaru for inspiration fully. Look at models. Pay attention to specific eras if you really wanna pop off. However, I will say be careful trying to look exactly like models. I think it's good to do to start with but then after awhile, pay attention more to specific fashion eras or add your own style to it that is cohesive with the look. You don't want to be doing a model cosplay after all! :P 

Sometimes I try to emulate models and other times I try to do my own thing. I think for this orange look I was trying to combine the 2007 era with a bit of 2009/2010 I think in regards to himekaji/LL. I feel like the orange color was pretty big in 2009/2010. There's a pretty infamous picture of Kumicky in some orange coordinates that I like and there's this one dress/top set that also is pretty famous and has orange in it from that time. Also the cowboy boots definitely reminded me of that era of Liz Lisa that was a little bit romantic/boho/western all at the same damn time. 

The flowers and updo was me trying to pull a 2007 where my hair and make up was way more princessy. I feel like 2010 was lightening up a little bit already. Honestly, the hair and make up was supposed to go with an outfit that included Jesus Diamante and really old Liz Lisa that I have that is also orange but I made last-minute outfit change with Ichigo who validated the decision by insisting that the outfit I went with was casual and way cuter for the occasion! So I intended to do an older vibe but went newer but my make up and hair was the intention of doing an older thing.

This was also my first time doing full on updo. I don't use extensions or anything so I don't get to do a lot of fun stuff. My hair is a weird range of colors right now. My natural color isn't a consistent color and honestly throwing bleach in has made it more consistent but I can't commit to the upkeep of full bleach on a student budget so it truly is what it is. LOL. Most of my hairstyles are flukes/experimentations. I was trying to give myself a mini him bump so I could throw the flowers I recently bought off of Ali in and hey, it ended up working surprisingly. The back was a little ugh but you know what? It is what it is when you're doing your hair yourself and don't have the help of extra hands and hair. It wasn't too terrible!

Make-up wise, I messed around with orange makeup. I did kind of a neutral eye with a pop of orange. The bling under the eyelashes made a return because I swear to you, THAT is my current makeup boom ever since I got the magazines where Tsubasa does it-so now it's THE the thing to do. The blush is a Canmake blush I own in a bright orange color. I really want a dupe of the Candy Doll "Carrot Orange" color because it's got some type of yellow hue to it but alas, I cannot find a dupe. </3 For the lips I did a really fun thing. I recent purchased the HolikaHolika Devil's Lip Plumper set and when I tell you this shit works, I mean it. Holy fuck. Too Faced's "Lip Injection" shit doesn't have ANYTHING on this Holika Holika one. It hurts a little but but omg it makes your lips huge. I wore it under my Jill Stuart lipstick and I think it worked out pretty well. If my lips looked different in pictures, then hi: that's why. I used a bomb lip plumper. I super recommend it. 

After my vaccine, Ichigo and I headed over to a city next to mine to hit up a plaza that has a lot of Asian goodies. They had never tried Bonchon before and was tempted from my vlog from where I stayed in my dorm room alone last year. I told them if I was ever on campus again, we'd hit Bonchon. However, I never ended up going back to my campus due to COVID, so we hit up another Bonchon for Korean fried chicken nearby. However, when we got there it was their close-up time until dinner hours. SO we had to stall around.

We ended up going to Ranch 99 to get snacks for our respective houses. I ended up buying fuck tons of tea because I always end up drinking more than I do eat. I got from Strawberry flavored Royal Milk tea because I love strawberry flavor. I also have same tea in the peach flavor at home. <3 I've also tried to sakura flavored one. I got some Itoen Jasmine and Matcha milk teas. Some regular green teas from Yeo in juice boxes (that stuff is my shit man, I grew up drinking these in my teenagehood). I also got some Japanese fruit jellies (lycheeeee) and some more rice wine and sakura flavored chips from the Chinese Lays brand because apparently I'm psychotic and love that flavor profile. ahaha. I think it's an acquired taste! I had to eat it a couple of times before I liked it. 

When I posted the chips on Insta a lot of people comments about them saying they were super cute because the pringles can style has the chips be pink! 

Ichigo got some mochi flour and recently made some cool looking mochi donuts. Wahhh. I'm inspired. I wanna try. They also got lots of nori and lychee drinks. ahaha. 

Afterward, we still had time to stall around so we hit up a boba placed called Happy Lemon. I've tried it once when my friend Janelle visited me back before my birthday last year. However, I hadn't ever tried it myself! I got a strawberry black tea (we have a boba shortage so I don't think they were doing boba here -sad-) and Ichigo got a mango concoction. It was suuuuper yummy. I really like the flavor of the Happy Lemon teas at least the one I've had. It's very refreshing even though there are not many customized options like iTea and T4. 

We tried hitting up 85c for some goodies (I'm never ever near 85c Bakery anymore and it breaks my heart. I used to loiter around at 85c and Paris Baguette while chatting with friends. We'd order cake, tea, and just sit talking and I miss it direly) but they didn't have ANYTHING. They were basically sold out of most things and the line for everything else was gross so we got the fuck out of there. 

We ended up stalling around outside until Bonchon opened. Which was good because we hit it up right before there was a dinner rush. We both got boneless chicken and ended up getting different sides for us to share. I really like Japchae so I got that and Ichigo got some french fries. I honestly thing I made the better choice. :P The fries were okay but the japchae slapped. 

We got back to my place and set some stuff up to watch High&Low together. 

I think I've gushed about High&Low before. It literally got me through lockdown when I was staying alone at my dorm. It's such a fun j-drama/movie series and I super recommend it if you like bosozoku/gang/yakuza shit and EXILE TRIBE. hahah. I basically converted Ichigo into the Church of Exile and we've been having SO MUCH FUN spazzing out over this shit. 

It's been nice rewatching the series with a friend and fangirling over it all over it again. It's fun gushing about stuff even outside of fashion stuff. We like a lot of similar fashion and music things and it's overall just....really really fun to talk to someone about a variety of different things. Especially out of fashion considering that I feel like studying and fashion is all anyone knows me for. 

We basically watched ALL of the season one in one go. We first started watching on my laptop because it wasn't dark enough for my projector and then eventually we moved to watching the rest of it on the projector. So far, we've gotten up to movie 1 together. I've watched the whole thing just to say so it's fun torturing my friend knowing stuff's gonna happen and that they're not readyyyy. 

Afterward, Ichigo went home and that was most of that day.

It was so nice socializing and just leaving my fucking neighborhood. I've been so sick of seeing the same shit for a year straight with no break. I'm really eager to do more stuff this summer since restrictions are loosening up. However, I have a lot of things I need to take care of and I also have to be mindful because I'm trying to also save up for Japan. So I might be hermitting a bit more just to save on expenses since I'm trying to have a bigger adventure than usual if I just stay disciplined. 

Speaking of video stuff though, I got myself a cool little photography/videography gadget that I am very excited to play with. It's called a gimbal and it creates really smooth cinematic shots for your videos. Basically, it's a camera stabilizer. I first started seeing them used in a lot of the Japan walking videos that I like to immerse myself into in order to relax. However, I noticed that some vloggers use them to get incredible sceneic shots or even bomb outfit pics or whatever. It's like...a tripod on crack. There's a lot of different gimbals out on the market but I invested in the best of the best. I got the DJI OM4 as my tool of trade. It's hard to enjoy right now on my dying iPhone X (the battery is giving way and the clamps balance where the volume buttons are so it's chaotic right now) but I'm hoping when I invest in the new iPhone 13, that I'll be able to have a lot more fun with this gadget. 

I mainly got it for vlogging purposes. I'm hoping to travel soon and I just thought it was such a cool little gadget to have in order to have really stable shots. Plus, it got a reverse mode for selfies and if I throw it on a tripod, there's a tracking feature where the phone will follow me-which is pretty awesome for things like cooking or maybe showing you guys my styling videos using my wardrobe in the future? We'll see. I haven't gotten to play with it too much but I'm looking forward to doing more with it. 

I also want to go outside of a work trip just because believe it or not, I've never gotten to travel or take a proper vacation outside of a con. I think it would be a really nice experience for me. My family has never taken a vacation fully and I feel like it's up to me to do anything if I want any type of new experience. It would be so awesome to go there during the cherry blossom blooming season especially. I'm all about urban exploring but how beautiful does it feel to have hints of nature in places with the trees?

Plus, all the sakura-flavored goodies! A couple of months ago I bit the bullet and indulged a little bit by purchasing the Strawberry Sakura Strawberry instant lattes that are super limited edition to Japan. It was wayyy too tempted. Those are two of my favorite flavor profiles combined. I love strawberries and I love trying lots of sakura flavored things (I had mochi for New Year that was sakura flavored and I also had the Lays chips in sakura. I also recently purchased sakura bath salts-so 2021 has truly been spring time for me!). The latte is absolute CRACK. I love this flavor profile so much. It tasted and smelled nostalgic for some reason and I can't put my finger onto why it did but I loved it. Also what the actual fuck Japanese Starbucks? Their instant lattes froth perfectly and aren't a syrupy flat mess. I'm saving my last three sticks for special occasions before the expiry date. I also gifted Ichigo with one of them and my sakura x matcha Pocky as well because it's a good combo together. 

I recently filmed two videos that should be coming out soon. One is part two of the May 2007 Popteen flip-through and the other is me being a personal shopper/stylist for ya'll on Aliexpress. I mentioned earlier that I was good at that sort of thing, so I thought I would help some "baby gals" out on their gal journey with some affordable items. I'm pretty protective of my brand name things and won't be helping in that realm (I always say there's great reward in finding your own treasures) but I thought that Aliexpress is fair game. Especially since a lot of new kids are trying to utilize it and may be over-looking a lot of stuff that could legitimately help them improve. 

I'll explain my reasonings behind some of the items I chose in my video for reference. I think a lot of people even with brands tend to have this tendency to think "ooh pretty/shiny" but then don't really think about how they're going to coordinate things. Definetely pay attention to sheens of fabrics, colors, what eras or models you're taking inspiration from. For example, I don't care how many people do it-throwing a d.i.a belt with an Alba jacket is too weird. It's two entirely different eras of gyaru. Pick one. Either you're doing the early 2000s get up to the 2009-2012 bullshit. I know they're both cool but pick one day for one era and another day for the next. 

That's another bone I have to pick. You don't have to *commit* to a substyle. Nobody OWNS a substyle either so don't think you're copying or stepping on someone's toes. For sure come up with your own concepts or ideas/find your own inspirations but honestly, picking one substyle just limits yourself so much. I'm the bitch that will be goth'd out one day in all black and then agejo the next day. Deadass, I've done that before and I have so much fun doing it because nobody knows wtf to expect from me. I definitely have eras of time where I'm fixated on one style for a while but honestly, I just like pretty things and clothes. 

I feel like there needs to be an emphasis more on love gyaru for gyaru versus trying to be exactly in THAT way. It's okay to experiment with substyles...I just don't know about mixing too many elements from different eras or whatever. 

Anyway, I'm sure this blog is getting way too lengthy so I'll end it here for now. Hopefully this month will be a little bit more eventful because I have things to do which always means an excuse to get dressed and leave my fucking house. haha...

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

Procrastination, Cute Outfits, Health Issues, and of course: YouTube

 Hello Hello! Welcome to this month's blog post. 

I have been SO busy since we last spoke guys. I'm basically procrastinating on some of my school work because finishing a project took it the fuck out of me. I've never been as mentally drained as I have been this school year. I swear. I'm not sure if it's senioritis or just the lack of boundaries and separation between school work from home and keeping my home space separated from it all. The amount of work professors have assigned this school year is fucking insane. I think I've also been under a lot of pressure because in order to get my TESOL certificate, I'm not allowed to make anything less than a B. I can't even make a B- so I'm over here kind of stressed the fuck out because of the pressure. haha... 

There was one night where I was supposed to go to bed early or work on shit and I just ended up talking to Calypso for most of the fucking morning. It was ass o'clock my time. smh. It was fun but arghhh why do I do this to myself? Btw, she started a blog so go follow her:

If you like extra-long blogs kinda like mine she just recently did one. She lives that gal mama life with her family in Paris.

ANYWAY, I think I'm also just over this era of my life and want to move forward and start making a regular stable paycheck. I know it will be a little stressful because I'm a fresh graduate with some fresh loans to pay off, but I know I work super hard and that this all will eventually pay off and lead to me living the life that I've dreamed of living for a very long time. 

I'm either moving to Tokyo or moving into San Francisco if I stay in the US. That is the goal. 

Anyway, I guess I should update ya'll on things on here even though most of you guys know what's been up via the Instagram. 

A few weeks ago I FINALLY was able to do a look. I actually stayed up all night knowing that if I slept and tried to do a look, I wouldn't get outfit pictures and it was super essential for me to have the cord pictures in good lighting considering that I was promoting some stuff from Mayu's brand SweetHeartYun! 

Mayu's Blog:

Mayu's shop:

I bought some of the really cute bear items because it reminded me of old school Tralala as well as this deco bling shop that used to exist in Shibuya 109 way back in the day (to be fair, there were two shops. A whole big bling and deco shop full of different items and then a brand that I think was only sold at SBY and then the girl who designed the stuff ended up functioning independently for a bit. But her stuff was more hime). 

Bears are also super trendy in more modern items though, they are usually included in the menhera/darker aesthetics from brands like Ank Rogue or Travas Tokyo. This is definitely the more himekaji gyaru version of that trend but in a modern way I suppose?

I tried a lot of different things because lately I've been inspired by literal himekaji. I even the boho LL shit but the actual hime shit from Diamante and Liz Lisa but made casual if that makes any sense? Basically 2007 bullshit. I typically don't stick to one substyle, era, or model but I personally think it leaves me open to experiment with a lot of things and have fun.

I definitely had fun with this look. It was wild, I think this is the one time I haven't filmed my make-up for a tutorial and this was the make-up everyone was requesting a tutorial of. God. Dammit. 

To be fair, I was tired AF. I didn't want to bust out my three ring lights and set up a tripod for the DSLR (it's a fucking hassle, I swear) and I also didn't realize my make-up would turn out THAT nice. Jesus Christ. My lashes were doing really well that day and that doesn't always happen. Pink eye make-up/pink make-up is typically one my default color schemes and is the one I think I'm most known for other than me doing red eye make. Basically, ya girl lives for her warm tones. However, I think in the future I wanna try working with orange and gold tones for some himekaji stuff but watch me default to pink because I recently bought fucktons of pink clothing items. 

I recently bought some Popteens from 2007 and the covers have Tsubasa Masuwaka on them looking like an all-out queen. I noticed that she was doing the good old 2000s trick of throwing crystals under the eye makeup/under the lower lash line so I tried it out for this SweetHeartYun look since I wanted it to look extra special. I recently bought some super shiny flatback crystals for nails and I might have to buy more because I really love this effect for the eye make-up. It made the area super shiny and I feel like adding fun bits made me almost look younger somehow?

For hair, I kind of wanted to pull an Okarie. I typically combine different trademarks from different models and combine them or just do my own thing. I know a lot of people like entirely copying models but I've been doing this stuff for so long that I feel like I can divert a little bit and do/make my own thing at this point. I did a low twin-tail style for the hair and because my bands are pretty long right now, I decided to add pull the bangs back and pin them. I teased the front a little bit before I pinned it and I really liked the look a lot. 

The Okarie trademark honestly came in when I added the flowers. I know this is just a typical Popteen type of deal but it reminds me of a specific Popteen cover with Okarie on it (the one where she graduates from the magazine actually) is why I say that. 

For my outfit, I tried to really make it all out Popteen style. The top is of course, SweetHeartYun. The skirt is from Liz Lisa. The shoes are 2006 Jesus Diamante pink and white lace enamel mules with a clear plastic heel. The bag is an old school polkadot Samantha Vega chain clutch in pink and white that has rhinestone detailing in the quilting. I added the SweetHeartYun bling bear keychain in pink to further cuten up the bag. 

The flowers are just offbrand hair flowers all layered together. My earrings (that you sadly can't see) are pink rhinestone hearts. I also added to the sleeves of the shirt for an extra cute touch, pink hair hair bow clips. That little detail is hardly noticed in pictures but I was actually able to make a very quick coffee run and the barista complimented that small little detail and thought that it came with the shirt like that! haha. It's a really neat little trick I learned from when I used to customize offbrand clothes back in the day. 

In all, I'm pretty proud of the outfit. It was super comfortable minus my shoes because I swear I have a thyroid issue or excessive fluid in my legs because everything is swollen and it makes shoes hard to fit on my feet. :( This is another reason I can't wait to graduate and get a stable job so I can afford health insurance to figure out wtf is wrong with me!! 

Let's actually talk about my weight gain for a minute. So for a good couple of years, I've gained weight in a way that doesn't make any sort of sense to me. I don't eat fast food (period. like. none of it. maybe In and Out once every six months or Starbucks once every 2-3 months). I've cut soda entirely and am on coffee, tea, and mainly sparkling water. I do a lot of matcha recently unsweetened because it's a good antioxidant. My snacks have been konjac jelly drinks and nori if I crave chips because it is low in calorie. I do a really small breakfast of yogurt/vegetables/ect. and one meal a day of my choice. I try to stay under 1,200 calories. Weekends I allow myself to cheat where I'm allowed to have my other snacks like chips or whatever because you can't just quit cold turkey or you go insane.

I often cook my own meals (I gotta film how I do kitsune udon and all). I also limit my milk and meat. I mostly do nut based milks (almond and cashew) and cook with regular milk since nut milk can't go in pastas or whatever. 

I've also been doing this thing where I go in between water pills and apple cider vinegar pills. The water pills do really somewhat help with my water retention in my legs but I've noticed as I've gotten older, my legs will ache at night or my heels will feel stabbed. Apple cider I don't know if that's working to really curb anything but I heard it might help. 

If anything all of these habits have only maintained my current weight and I haven't gained at the least in the past year but I haven't lost. I'm thinking of trying to run if my legs can handle it. A lot of my weight gain is in hormonal areas too so I'm wondering if birth control could fix this shit or if this is a larger issue. I've been experimenting around for a year cutting bad habits and all in order to see if it can solve anything but so far, nothing drastic has solved it. 

More importantly, I just want to be healthy. Losing weight is important because I love wearing my pretty things but I want to do it in a way that isn't crazy harmful if that makes any sense because I might be blaming myself for something that is beyond my habits and needs actual medicine. I've never had the privilege of being able to just up and go to doctors and afford it (ha! Welcome to the US) so I'm looking forward to able to "fix" myself whenever I have stable income. 

Speaking of health things, I finally am going to be able to get my vaccine for COVID thanks to my friend Ichigo who is going to visit and take me. My family is pretty divided on the vaccine but I know that I need it if I intend to do anything. 

I have a huge to-do list over the summer actually! Once I get properly vaccinated, I want to go to the dentist. I haven't gotten a cleaning in a couple years (no health care) so I have to pay that out of pocket. Then get some fillings done because one of my fillings on one of my front teeth behind it fell out and it's been a MESS because now it's created an obvious cavity in the front and I've just been stalling because it's been COVID. Ugh. 

Afterward, I want to up my eye prescription. This is why I haven't bought any new circle lenses lately and have just been wearing my Princess Mimis. There's no point of getting them when my pointage is going to change soon. So after I figure all of that out, I want to buy a couple of different lenses. Mainly just a refill of the Mimis (probably in sesame gray and apple green) and my OG Geo Nudies because those are comfortable AF. I kind of want some purple and pink Vassen lenses but shipping is gross lately so if I can just get my main holy grail lenses I'll be fine.  

The last thing I need to do is go to the post office and get my passport. I've never traveled overseas before so I've never had one. But I'm intending on working in Japan once this pandemic settles down (hopefully by the time I graduate in December) so I obviously need a passport in order to do that. Once I figure out wtf I'm doing I probably need to do embassy stuff and fuck tons of paperwork in order to yeet myself across the ocean but the passport is obviously my first step in doing so. I also wanna save up for a new phone because mine is fucking dying gdi. </3 I use it for pics and blog/vlog stuff now too so getting an update would be nice. I'm waiting for the iPhone 13 to come out because yes, I am an Apple girl. Especially since I live down the street from Silicon Valley/where Apple's headquarters is, I like to jokingly say I'm supporting a local business. haha.. 

Basically, my summer is setting up some stuff. Adult responsibilities. However, I should be able to sneak in some fun creative things over the summer. I kind of want to learn electric guitar? My baby brother has collected a couple of different guitars and equipment this past year and he no longer uses his old amp or his old ESP. I kind of wanna see if I have the patience to learn. I really like J-Rock stuff and you don't see girls often play stuff. I always think it's super badass when I see girls play. I wanna learn a ton of different stuff. UVERworld to the Gazette man... LOL <3 Or even Ayumi Hamasaki's "Evolution" because that's one of my favorite songs of hers. 

Anyway, one last update I can talk about is my YouTube channel speaking of projects and needing/wanting to do things. I have a ton of different plans for YouTube in the future. I anticipated uploading a video once a month and surprise surprise, somehow I ended up uploading weekly, which is...wild? 

But I'm so shocked because people have enjoyed me doing so and making a ton of different content. I'm so grateful for the subscribers I've gained these past couple of months. I know for some people 300+ subs is not a lot but for me, it's very significant because for years I stayed in the 100s and I've been making content since 2013 and even before that if my very old YouTube account counts. 

I try not to pay attention to numbers but hey, I'm keeping in mind that 300+ people is a panel room at an event or a convention. It means that ya'll listen to what I have to say. Which is stunning. My talking videos always do the best and that's crazy to me considering I film those on my iPhone with a fucking filter on to improve the lighting rather than the DSLR. I use the DSLR for tutorials and shit and even then, my phone is more forgiving on memory for editing space and just..yeah. 

I've recently started a project where I flip through a ton of my old magazines with you guys. Right now, I'm on a Popteen fix. I've been flipping through a December 2005 issue and a May 2007 issue and they've been doing insanely well given how niche gyaru is. It's even started up a conversation on the style and has reminded others that at one point, Popteen was VERY gal and wasn't associated with cutesy himekaji and that even himekaji as ya'll know it-was an entirely different thing in 2007 and in my opinion, looked way more adult. 

In all, it's been fun and a couple of my gal friends from across the world have taken part in the magazine flipthrough trend as well! I actually made a playlist on my YouTube channel featuring all the gyaru magazine flipthroughs that exist. 

Mind you, if you do end up doing one, I am picky. Anything beyond Popteen 2012 doesn't appeal to me and doesn't feel gyaru. So ya'll don't be salty if you do a current Popteen issue and I don't include it because new Popteen just ain't it. I also don't include super new issues of gyaru magazines because they can still be bought and supported. You should support the print magazine industry because it's slowly dying and it's kind of what killed some stuff to start with. 

Anyway, that is it for me. I probably need to go back to working on my fucking school work. Ugh. Ugh. and Ugh. But hey, I'm almost finished and hopefully I can update soon and with some fun stuff in the near future.