Shiny Violet Star

Monday, September 20, 2021

Say it With Your Chest

 I know I should be doing a blog post for July and August, however, a lot happened (lots of really great things and not so great things) and maybe I'll eventually get to it. However, since this is my own blog, I thought I would vent a little bit because I am frustrated with some stuff and it's easier to take this here rather than on Instagram and Twitter. For my mental health's sake and to kind of express some sentiments I realized were being shared across a few social media platforms other than my own when it comes to gyaru recently. 

I've noticed and have even been told that people kind of have this huge surge of distrust within the community lately. I'm not quite sure where exactly this is stemming from considering that I do not participate in any of the online groups but I certainly can empathize with those who have expressed this feeling given my previous experiences. This is exactly why I made the decision to stick to my own social media accounts only and limit my engagement to people who chose to willingly approach me. I have felt the same way as others have and thought that by isolating myself to be only on my own platforms, it would minimize the drama that comes with a group that has been in the past notorious for drama and in all, has a habit of being silently shitty. 

As much as I'd love to think things have improved (and hey, maybe they have in some sense) they haven't in such a weird way from my understanding and from my own personal experiences. Also, surprisingly, my method of filtering through shit doesn't fully work either because others are pissed off by opinions I made in my own space...? I thought I would try to appropriately address how I feel about this issue. Hopefully I'm eloquent enough to get my point across to those who choose to read what I have to say. Otherwise, you can go play in another playground or some shit. You don't have to leave but you can't stay here. haha... Regardless of this and as cheesy as it's gonna sound; I'm going to do the thing that feels the most gal fittingly enough. Imma say what I have to say with my fucking chest. 

Anyway, I feel like it's a really weird environment that's formed lately. We have newcomers who are kinda entitled and disrespectful as a whole. I'm not trying to throw any names on blast but trust me, I've shown people close to me the DMs I get. It's everything between people demanding I give them a list of other brands, to trying to wager prices for my wardrobe...ect.ect.... It's pretty disheartening to feel as if your only use is to find things for other people or to even see stuff scalped based on others leeching on someone's genuine enthusiasm. It's certainly hurt our community and has created a divide as to if gals should be sharing brand resources etc. I've taken a more aggressive approach towards my opinion on this issue but I think that is also a response to some of the rudeness and entitlement I've received. I kind of have a tough-love approach and dude, I excessively curse or whatever. Do not take that as anger all the time. You can't hear tones or pedagogy through text...  If anyone's been on voice chat with me, you know exactly what I am talking about.

I usually share my frustrations because others who are closest to me slide into my DMs and share very same sentiments. Due to me being kind of an outsider of the outsiders regardless of my ability to do and be gyaru-I don't lack the fear of the repercussions of being disliked fully on a community page. I've said it plenty of times but I'll reiterate the fact that I do not need community validation to say that I am "enough" or whatever. I don't abide by rules, social hierarchy, or whatever else has been put in place. I'll say it like it is as mentioned. 

I encourage others to have the same mindset before becoming disheartened with themselves or with their negative experiences with gyaru. You do not need a community of people that you barely know truly to validate your experiences as one. Sometimes you have to take advice or standards with a grain of salt and really consider where and who exactly it is coming from. If someone is giving an opinion on their own social media, then they have a right to their own space and that doesn't mean you, in particular, have to take their insight on a certain subject to heart. Especially if you do not regularly engage with said person. This even applies to me. If you don't like what I have to say on my own social media, it's as easy as unfollowing me, not supporting my content, or blocking me if I'm popping up into your feed still. It's really that simple. 

Who you personally engage with feel a bit safer because you'd like to think that you know where that person's intentions lie. You might already know that what someone says or advises is out of love for you, looking out for your best interest, or out of something that just isn't that deep.. 

More importantly, if you're having fun and are enthusiastic about what you're talking about. If you're excited to share and learn? You not being a certain way all the time or not being active enough doesn't make you any less authentic. You probably just have other priorities that need commitment and that is absolutely fine. YOU CAN DO BOTH. <3 And as much or as little as you want. I want to make that clear because some of you have expressed to be in private messages these anxieties and it saddens me knowing my friends and fellow gals feel as if they're not enough based on activity or whatever else when these are the gals who *know their shit*. Like truly some of you find and share the coolest things. We ALL in gyaru fashion have made contributions to things that are so valuable and very cool. Some people are super social and make people's days, other people are gal enthusiasts and share the coolest information about models and eras of style, others are super organized and create amazing events for people to participate in, other gals are amazing at hair and makeup, some are the most dedicated and disciplined paralists. 

We should have pride in all of that because that's what creates such an amazing foundation for others to learn from regardless of whether or not we always agree with each other. I think that's one thing we can all agree on. Hence why I get angered when people are ran out over bullying from all ends and it's not over people being hesitant about sharing the resources that they hold dear that are becoming limited. We share plenty of other things. We are just aware of the current environment and how it is affecting all of us in one way or another. 

I'm extremely thankful to those of you who DM and ask me about the intentions of my opinion or even go as far to have the courage to clear up any sort of misunderstanding with me. I know that can be an anxiety-inducing task and I truly appreciate it. Because I said before, you're saying it with your chest. You're not taking it to an anonymous place and letting simmer in the pot of shit. You're going directly to the source for your information. I know that sometimes can be difficult when there is distrust among people. 

I've been trying to contribute to the gals who support me and whom I know are in this style for the long run. I'm not intending to be selfish by no means. I'm just not keen on contributing to a problem that is has been occurring the past two years or so. If you follow certain peoples' socials you'd know they thank me for helping them. If I see something that reminds me of them, I gladly share. But if you don't know me personally, you may not know this about me. I'm willing to support people in my own camp. We have people intruding in on this community with no intention on contributing anything positive or meaningful to it but rather create an environment that only benefits them whether it be financially or emotionally-be it through the scalping that has made both regional markets really wild lately or by the people who have relentless harassed multiple seasoned gaijin gyaru based on whatever flavor of racism disguised as social justice is trending for the week. 

Lately, I feel like that is the case due to the invasion or police of people's social media. This is internal and external. Externally it's why these outside factors trying to police who can do gyaru based on race or region.  Which is nonsense and has unfortunately it has run off a ton of vetgals who make amazing content on their platforms. This saddens me because their contribution through media is so crucial for fashion and lifestyle education as well as just sharing a sense of community with other people. I've truly been angered by this because for years, I felt very alone on YouTube and other platforms. It's thrilled me seeing a CONSISTENT influx of content these past few years and I hate seeing outside people trying to dictate the narratives of other people rather than just scrolling past and moving along.

 Internally, as I've recently experienced, you never truly know who exactly you're talking to and whether not you can trust them. My only advice to clear up any miscommunication and mean what you say. The other party needs to also be open to listening and really understanding that maybe not everyone has ill will. It really does depend and I know it can be a bit scary to think that someone who you may think you vibe with secretly hates you or has invaded your personal space just to talk shit about you. When in reality, they shouldn't waste their time communicating with someone with whom they don't vibe with.

Let's be real, some of us straight up don't vibe with each other and that's fine. That's a part of life. You shouldn't be obligated to engage with people who you feel don't contribute positively to your space. I'm very sure that there will be other people who you will thrive and vibe with. Find your people and value them. Support them. Be open to having them support you. Be sure to have an open line of communication and I'm very sure that you will have a more pleasant experience. 

Sometimes that requires change on your part. For me, like I've explained, I had to take out the things that made me unhappy about gyaru in order to do the things that made me happy. That is going to very between people. My way of going about this may not be your way. That's something I can't give advice on because it's rather personal don't you think?

You have to have the ability to pick and choose what you want to let in in regard to personal choices. Otherwise, you're going to be miserable attempting to adapt to something that you don't align with. 

Gyaru has always been a huge part of my life. Even when I have look fully looked, there are parts that won't go away out of habit. I've never quite found a fashion that's more me than gyaru and admittedly as I've confessed to others, it's been used as anti-depressant for me. It's always been a mantra of mine, "If I can just push through this and work very hard, I'll be able to do the thing I enjoy finally." It gives me something to look forward to when I do get to pop my head in and make it count. 

I hope for others it's also a light at the end of a tunnel. It should be something that brings you joy rather than something that chips away at your mental health based on external factors that have nothing to do with your ability to want to learn, share, and thrive. It's saddened me seeing people similarly leave like how I considered doing so or debating on whether this is the space for them or not. All I can say is that it is what you make of it. 

Anyway, I've written this post half in a tired daze. Life's been kind of wild on my end. I'm dealing with a family member going through a substance relapse and while I cannot control the external factors as of yet, I've recently have been focusing on revamping my space to be warm, safe, and overall just happier. Mainly so I have the ability to be more so productive and less mentally drained. I'm in my last semester of university and I'm kinda stressed but very excited to graduate and (hopefully) find a stable and fulfilling career in the future so I can change more of my external factors in the future. In all, I've been treating myself kindly. And you should too. <3 


Stay well. Until next time!




2 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for writing this! As for the "trusting" part...I luckily did not come across any of this. But I do think that everyone who doesnt feel good in the gyaru comm should feel free to take a step back and do what they love in private. Sometimes we need to distance ourselves to take care of ourselves and there is no reason to feel guilty about it.!! <3

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    1. I always feel like I'm always saying what a lot of us want to say but can't. Or so I'm told but I think it's necessary right now because clearly there's a lot going on right now. It pains to me to know that some of my closest gal friends consistently feel this huge bout of imposter sydrome based on whether their active enough or not because dude, it just means that I'll miss ya'll more and look forward to when you all DO pop in finally because I know that next coord and look will be done with so much love and care and not done out of a bout of exhaustion and feeling obligated on a day when you got other shit you gotta do. I'm always that bitch. I gotta take care of myself and my personal shit first and then I get to do what I love and go at it hard. I've been preaching to everyone in my DM's, it's quality, not quantity motherfuckers. <3 When you feel good, you look good, and all that shit. haha..

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