This post is exactly what it says in the title. Today, I'm going to writing about a topic that I haven't ever touched on. I haven't even done personal and somewhat semi-controversial/opinionated posts like this in awhile, but talking to a friend at my local anime convention made me realize that this might actually be an interesting piece to write. Mind you, this based on my experiences and I'll talk about the pros and cons of this whole ordeal but hopefully this might help a newbie J-Fashionista or anyone fashionista who might be intimidated feel at peace with themselves. I should start with my personal experiences and personality-because that will most likely explain why decided to wear J-Fashion regardless of an occasion and regardless whether I have friends to dress up with.
Going back to teenaged me for a second here: I've been into Japanese fashion for a decade or more and actively wearing J-Fashion for a good seven years of my life. And not once, have a felt like I have truly ever "fit in" anywhere. Before anyone decides to dismiss this as me bitching and complaining-hear me out for a minute here because I am certainly not complaining. I'm incredibly blessed to live in Northern California where the Japanese Pop Culture scene is constantly booming with life. There are plenty of things to do and plenty of people to talk to. Not one bit am I bitching there. It's great. I go to things all the time. I talk to a variety of people. But with that comes the whole realization to myself that I have never exactly found a close friend that understood me personally or fit into my niche in terms of personality.
Let me explain myself here when I say something as bizarre this. Personally, I have always been an strange in-between of a "good girl non-partier"...where people always jokingly (or maybe they're dead serious about it, who knows, who cares) calling me a prude. However, I'm also the crude friend who can talk loud and curse like a sailor no issue. I'm the girl who feels the need to protect my nicer friends from getting taken advantage of by creeps on the street but I'm also the girl who avoids getting in situations with the creeps on the street too. I know there's a time and place and I'm very aware of it. Because of this, I never exactly found my place because I've never met anyone quite like myself... The person that stick around for the party but bounces before seven pm knowing it's about to get real turnt and that they don't wanna be around for that or the aftermath. Mainly because girls like me get into some shit just by the way we dress. Especially me. Being the girl who dresses in mini-skirts and halters, you'd think I would be the girl to club. It actually shocks people when I say I loathe clubbing because it's sweaty, gross, and the fuckboi's are annoying because they don't take no for an answer. People have even went to the extent to tell me that my way of dressing and personality isn't very gyaru or that gyaru are party girls. And while I can agree, gals can be wild and sexy. I'm wild and sexy in my own way. My idea of fun is late night board games and boba until midnight-two in the morning.. Midnight movie premieres and really random adventures. Which docks out, I'm the girl that turns in before nine o'clock because she's such a good girl because curfew or tired.
With this, my group of friends has always changed and never has exactly stayed constant.I can roll but I can never hang with either sides. I've delved into both lolita fashion as much as I identify with gyaru, and I've never fit in with either. I wasn't the girl who constantly had an influx of new dresses coming in during releases or even non-releases. This makes themed tea parties and such awkward no? And in terms of gyaru, I feel like the style never exactly hit off in San Francisco the way it does in some parts. Or if there are meet ups you're always wary of it..
For awhile before all this, I was a cosplayer. Since I was fifteen going on sixteen years old, I cosplayed before I delved into the world of J-Fashion which was way beyond my high school budget. One-hundred dollars for a costume was easy but a couple hundred for a JSK was insane. From cosplaying for a good five to six years of life, I realized that many people came and went. That was the thing about cosplay. Cosplay almost requires a sense of community. A strength in numbers even. It's almost no fun to cosplay alone or if so, there seems to now a days to be a huge race to keep up if with the gane if you are a lone one. Cosplay almost requires you to be social. I had many friends back then and many people whom I did projects with. I was super active on the convention and event level in terms of cosplay, but when I left things calmed down because I had a little less in common or my priorities financially had changed.
And it's why I took such a joy when I was twenty-three years old, of leaving the cosplay scene to completely focus my time, energy, and money on J-Fashion. I had been doing both before but eventually, I realized my real passion had always been gyaru and lolita fashion. It was something that didn't always require a group outing. It was something that I could enjoy on my own without the validation or security of someone else. I could blog because I enjoyed writing about my passions. I could do outfit of the days because make-up and outfit coordination was therapeutic and made me feel put together. Japanese fashion somewhat became a part of my every day life without me requiring the need for a sense of community that most desire. While my clothes were flashy and not of the societal norm, they were honestly just my clothes/I wore them like clothes. I had friends outside of the fashion scene that I could relate to and spend time with without them needing to be gyaru or lolita to get along.
Don't get me wrong when I say this. Sometimes I direly wish I had a friend that adored agejo as much as I did or was only an occasional lolita versus a hugely active one who knows everyone at events. It's at times like that among others that I feel quite square. But that's okay. I dress for myself. Not for the acceptance of others. I don't need to walk with a group of friends to feel safe. I just realize that there's a time and place for everything and that I can enjoy J-Fashion in my spare time.
It always has confused me while others let what other people say about their style or fashion affect them. With any type of style comes growth and development. Your make up won't be the same as it was a year ago. I can assure you this. You'll go through many styles or hell, maybe you'll be like me and decide to wear it all because you just happen to have a liking for detailed clothes. Who says you have to be a part of the gyaru or lolita community to be a part of that?
I remember watching a documentary on lolita fashion and the narrator explaining how lolita fashion gave "a sense of community". This can be very true and very touching. I'm very touched seeing groups of gyaru or lolita meeting up and genuinely liking each other/being close friends. But there's always the darker side to people widely knowing you. Perhaps it's me being jaded saying this. But I've for awhile been a bit wary. Just because we have a fashion in common doesn't mean we will get along. I actually get really happy if I can find someone I can have a conversation with and it not be about a release or clothes. It's definitely a conversation start and common ground but it's always in my mind-what's is this person like beyond that? If you want to be part of a community fine. But to those of you who feel like you can't be these things without being a part of something-you should get into fashion anyway. You shouldn't let just seeing the J-Fashion communities on the internet and media stop you because you feel like you will be alone. There will be many times you feel alone or out of place. But you will also feel unique. While there will be the possibly not-so-occasional asshole jeering your way, there will also be the people who ask where you bought your shoes because "they're gorgeous" or another person saying the found something online or in a shop and it it reminded them of you because it "so something you'd wear". In that sense, people can pick you out from a crowd and that's a special feeling.
I've been openly identifying some of my outfits as "gyaru" since 2012... Do I always do gyaru? Am I a lifestyle gyaru?? No. And I don't intend to be because I feel like that takes away the thrill of it. The fashion would become a obligation or a task rather than something I get to look forward to or inspired for when I randomly do it. Same goes for lolita. I rarely ever slide on my JSKs but I would never ever bring myself to sell them because there's always that occasion where I want to feel like a princess for once and lolita seems appropriate for the day. If even if it means sitting down with my "shitty Starbucks" drink I ran out to get in ruffles and sitting in my room all day blogging or watching something inspiring.
Whatever makes you happy is what you should do. You don't have to always be dressed head to toe to feel validated. Just because you have a couple casual days or even many casual days doesn't make you less of a fashionista. It means that you know there's a time and place. Perhaps it's for safety reasons. Maybe it's also because you want your clothes and style to feel special when you do decide to wear it on the days you do.
And that's why I made this post. Because this isn't talked about enough. Perhaps because it seems a bit ironic for an active blogger to be writing about it and not even be a part of the online community fully. Some of us contribute things but never quite interact with others, and that's okay. You don't have to be social to be fashionable. That's what occurred to me when I talked to a friend late at night post-convention hype in their hotel room. Yes, I model occasionally and do photo shoots. I have an active online life which included my blog or instagram. But my clothes are my clothes and wear them like so-they fit a certain style and even the style has a name, but it doesn't mean that I have to thrive in it amongst a group of similarly dressed people.
Does this make me a hypocrite if I decide to get more socialable and active later on? No. It just means I found the right people for me. But until then, that won't affect what I slap on my face or what I wear.
So to those of you who want to dress up; don't be afraid. You do you. You're going to be fine even if you choose to do so alone. <3
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