July Monthly Post + Gyaru Gripes

 We are midway into the month, so I thought I should do a backlog of June for you ya'lls. :) As always, I hope ya'll don't mind since some you already know this information via Instagram.

But first and foremost, thank you all so much for your comments on my previous blog. I am very very grateful for them and I appreciate that you all find me doing a monthly blog as being a good thing. Like I said, unlike a lot of the other gaijin gyaru, my life isn't nearly as interesting so I never know whether or not what I say will be fun enough in blog posts. 

June started off by me getting my second dose of the vaccine. I was super grateful for Ichigo's help because without them? It wouldn't have happened. Any time I do get to go out, I use it as an excuse to dress up, so of course, I did a very princessy Liz Lisa look. 

I love wearing maxis out and about because they're super comfortable. I got this one in a haul I did back in Feb/March? And I totally was waiting for a fun chance to wear it out with some vintage Diamante heels. I tried backcombing my hair and doing a princess style with it. All of it is in my real hair so it's not super big without the extra help but I don't think it turned out too bad. 

For accessories, I wore one of my little flower combs in white. I have another set that reminds me of the infamous Diamante print that I eventually want to wear out. I first had a Chrome Hearts necklace on in gold with a Vivienne Westwood orb ring but then I got some more Vivienne accessories in the mail that I had always wanted and switched out to that because I thought it would look cuter. The blue and white coord felt more cool-toned so gold kinda clashed. 

The Vivienne piece has stars in the center and is silver. I really wish I could have found the matching ring that goes with the earrings necklace. 

Ichigo also wore Liz Lisa that day!! I was so surprised. I knew that they had LL but I'm so adapt to them being in darker clothing/SPR that I almost forgot that they have the cute shit too. So we were Liz Lisa royalty together that day. 

They kindly requested that I not vlog that day, so I made good to respect that wish and only took really short videos and pics of our time out. Sometimes I just really want to be in the moment with my friends since it's extremely rare that I ever get to see anyone unless they come me (and I'm out the way). 

The lady that administered my second shot loved my eye make up so much. I was really flattered because I was actually lowkey suffering and actually had to rip off my eyelashes and reapply them before I even entered Rite-aid. I had ran out of fucking eyelash glue without knowing and I had a vial coming but it wasn't coming until Monday and it was Saturday. Ha! That's torturous timing. 

I had fused Dollywink No. 1s and 2s together to create a super-extended eye look but was desperate and used 10+ year old Dollywink glue that was in my deadstock no 1 box and it was just....-facepalm- Ichigo actually came to my rescue and hocked a glue at me so god bless but fucking hell, it was really chaotic energy. 

The lady actually complimented my eyeshadow work which I was very grateful for because I tried to do that a little bit differently than usual. Because my eyes are so hooded, if I do really heavy gal make, it's hard to see clear bands/Dollywinks on me. So I tried to really keep the colors light. She wanted to know what exactly I used and I actually used a Pat McGrath Mothership I dupe but they don't make it anymore so I just said it was Pat McGrath. The bottom inner-corners are Etude House Mirrorholic which is cute but eventually, I wanna splurge on my Stila glitters because those truly do look absolutely amazing. 

After my shot, Ichigo and I headed off to the same plaza as the last time in my previous vlog. However, indoor dining was open finally in California, and Ichigo had never been to Kura before, so we decided to go there for sushi. I technically only go for the inari but they have pretty decent kitsune udon and I loooooove their karage. <3 

Kura is one of those sushi belt places where you order on the computer screen like in Japan and they also have the gacha so it's a very fun experience and I was glad that Ichigo got to properly enjoy it. We also hit up Ranch 99 again because why not? I also finally got 85C this time because the last time they didn't have anything and it's literally my favorite bakery. I super recommend the green tea over there and the brioche bread. The Hokkaido cake cups are also pretty fire. 

Afterwards, we went back to my house and took some cute pictures together since we were both in Liz Lisa and fawned over a stray cat that I've partially adopted. 

And that was my day. Not crazily interesting but it was okay. I was falling apart at the end of it because my eyelashes hated me so sadly, I didn't get to film any videos. 

So where has they lead me into July? Well...it's been pretty dark and wild. A lot of crap has gone on in my personal life so I haven't been really able to be as active as I wish I could be. I've been bedridden through physical pain that is worsening as I age. I've had some reoccurring family issues that have wounded me. I've had to make phone calls back and forth to my school because somebody isn't fucking doing their job over there. It's also been 100+ degrees over here and I've honestly been dying on my floor and disassociating. I currently got back into watch anime again realizing I should enjoy doing so before I literally have no time to just potato and do this because I'll be adulting. Some bad shit happened one night at my place, I threw on my project and noise-cancelling headphones to drown out some bullshit and decided to watch SK8 The Infinity. I was wondering what all of the hype was and my baby brother actively skateboards (I told you, he's a cool kid) so I was, "Oh! Let me try this..."

Let me tell you, the hell that I entered in, I was absolutely not prepared for. AHAHA. Ooohhh. My double life on the internet outside of gyaru is fandom shit. I write trashy fanfic and Matchablossom truly ruined me in ways that I cannot explain. Which helps because I was really into High&Low for a while and just...the fandom is dead. Fic is hard to find. Anything...is hard to find. So Matchablossom truly did save my summer and helped me kind of indulge in a world that wasn't my own for a change through SK8. <3 I even did a pairing inspired snack-spread for Kojirou's birthday because I'm just that much of a loser. haha. 

I know that I have posted a lot of food also in this post and I'd like to say, that I have currently taken up cycling. I got myself a stationary bike a few weeks ago and I've been grinding pretty hard on it. I actually hurt my arm using the arm exercise thingies on there a week or so ago and it really sucked because I really wanted to do gyaru shit and my arm ached like something fierce. My ankles are also pretty swollen which is concerning but I'm trying to push through it. 

So for last week's video, I basically fought through wrist pain and did a Sunamono food video because it's been awhile since I've done a food video (the last one was okonomiyaki) just so I could create something for ya'll... 

Sometimes I'll intend to do shit and either it will be too chaotic here or something garbage will happen and throw my plans out the window. It's pretty discouraging.. 

 Latety I've been focusing my attention onto nurturing and encouraging other people in the gyaru community because that is what I feel like is best. Just because I feel like shit doesn't mean others have to be and I honestly enjoy seeing my friends thrive and live their best lives. I kinda get to live through them when I am down and out and I enjoy that. This brings me to a point that I think has lowkey been floating around-whether or not someone is gal enough based on activity. 

Personally, I've never thought that mattered as much given the fact that people live very different lifestyles and don't always get the luxury of just up and doing what they want whenever they want. Plus sometimes, shit just happens. I don't think there's any need to push one's self for the sake of Instagram or looking a certain way in public when you feel like shit. That's just not how things realistically work you know? 

I think there's a lot of comparison games that go around sometimes thanks to social media and curated content and I've never been about that life? I could care less about my follower count or how active I am. As long as I put love and effort in when I have the time and mindset to do so? It's fine. There were a couple of you who said in my previous post that I deserved way more credit for the work that I've done, and I'm very very grateful for that acknowledgment. I very grateful that others can see the love and effort I do put into my looks when I do pop my head into say hello. I'm certainly a bit of a chameleon and don't limit myself to a particular substyle even though I have fortes in agejo, rokku, ect. I'm glad that others appreciate that diversity because honestly, I just enjoy really eccentric fashion overall (and I think that's what *maybe* will keep Japan's fashion scene fun for me over there rather than me praying that gal fashion will make the comeback that I want it to). While I do not need validation from others,  it does feel nice to be seen and appreciated. I do what I can when I can and I'm glad that is treasured by some. 

Lately, I've definitely gone through a pretty large dry spell with gyaru and just overall imposter syndrome where I feel like because my life isn't as interesting or as active, that maybe I am not gal enough or good enough. That's sometimes a hard feeling to shake. A part of me feels like I do not owe a community that kind of put me through hell at one point, anything at all. I do not need the "okay" from others to dictate whether my lifestyle is "enough" for them. 

I remember when I was more active in the comm even two years or so back where I felt pressured to always have something out and every outing needed to be documented as "proof" on insta or whatever that I was doing gyaru or enough or etc. etc. based on the company I kept and it literally got to where I grew to hate the thing that I loved that was supposed to be a chill de-stress type of thing for me. Gyaru has always been a motivator for me or something to look forward to. I always have that condition of, "once I get through this shit or feel better, I get to do this and I'm looking forward to it" but at one point, I got to where I was like, "This is genuinely stressing me out and it's making me want to do it less because there's this weird-ass expectation to be on point all the time that I never signed up for"... or whatever. 

The amount of pressure that alleviated off of my chest once I got out of all that was so freeing. haha.. I did a whole social media purge/left the fucking internet for awhile and did fashion stuff without posting even and it felt so great. That's honestly what got my mojo back though lately, I feel like I am falling into that pit again hence why I'm like 'ugh, why am I stressed over something I usually enjoy?' 

At my age, I do think that I am growing a bit tired. I've done this for ten years straight with and without a community. With and without a gal-cir. Without a lot that some people are very lucky to have. For most of my gal-experience, I've done it all while been extremely isolated and that's sometimes hard to manage. I've always been the lone local gal or the one person the J-Fashion people poke at because I've been around for a long time by myself and am the one that people use to kind of switch stuff up because I'm not doing Harajuku fashion. My gal style also not the typical hardcore look that people typically associate with the fashion so it's something that I really to try to give myself credit for because I feel like I'm going entirely against the grain of what's expected and I always have. The cuter stuff is getting bigger lately and I'm so happy to see it but literally a year ago, what I was doing was kind of discredited or not seen as gal enough because it wasn't hardcore or old school. Ironically, I wanna wear Alba soon when hardly anyone is back on that hype now, but I think it's because I'm the bitch who always loves to switch stuff up every now a then when I can get the chance to. 

I don't think I do too terribly given my limitations. Most shit I do is in the confines of my room not because I'm afraid to go out in gal (trust me, I go out in the world in my shit depending on time/place/safety) but because there's nowhere TO go to. I live in the middle of nowhere too so there's nowhere really to go? All my friends live in the Bay Area or Sacramento and I'm wayyy out of the way for them and I don't drive-hence why I'm stuck in my room all the time. It's why I'm in university studying very hard. It's to upscale my life and make it much more interesting in the future. 

Currently, the whole COVID situation for sure slowed my roll. Even my classes for next semester are online and it's kind of a bummer because I enjoyed going out places dressed up even if it was for class. In my room, it just feels pointless because usually after hours worth of sitting through Zoom classes, I just wanna take a nap before doing homework. haha...  But like I said, it's why I'm in university. So I can get the fuck out of here and start truly living my best life. <3 I can't wait to have a stable job and have the luxury of traveling more and just overall having a more interesting life in the very near future. 

I also occasionally really do burn out and grow uninspired by gyaru, I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way that's been in this for the long haul... Not a lot of new shit is coming out lately that interests me so it's a lot of a repeat of the old stuff from forever ago. I don't think anything new has excited me since the 3D floral print era of 2015-2016ish? I miss being excited for clothing collections and all. I miss Tokyo Girls Collection being exciting and anticipating each season's release. I'd even be excited about the music guests and special models they'd bring in out of nowhere. I miss wanting to head to 109 for more than just the novelty of wanting to go to 109 in the future. 

I stay informed with the new stuff but I think I'm just old and bitter. I don't understand Gen Z fashion *at all* and it just all looks ugly to me. So while I do see new stuff coming out, it doesn't appeal to me because I'm a fucking grandma and don't understand it. Though I will say, I'm thrilled that eye makeup is getting heavier again. I just wish clothing was more interesting or just...not so god damn ugly. 

I certainly find inspiration from other gaijin gals and I'm very grateful for that. A lot of gals who actively interact with me keep me enthusiastic even if I'm down for the count. I love bouncing ideas off each other or just chatting and remembering old times fondly. That's kind of what's kept me optimistic lately. 

At the same time though, I've always felt like an outsider of the outsiders.  Like I said before, my experience has been extremely isolated not just in person but online too but given my encounters with others in past even with the online community but I almost rather it be that way. How I see it, is with online communities, you are putting yourself out there for whatever. Anyone can start shit with you for no reason at any moment because it's an open platform via a community. However, if someone is on my page, they'd look pretty silly picking a fight with me because it's easy as just not following me if you don't like my shit? I also find that if if you appreciate my content, then the interaction is genuine rather than forced just because I just so happen to be a part of the same thing as you? I like it a lot more and I love the DMs I get about a lot of different subjects on fashion, gyaru, life, ect.  I don't know if that choiceful isolation that deems me not gal enough but if that's the case, so be it. I feel gal enough for myself if that is any consolation to myself. A lot of people often ask me why I never joined online communities and be very transparent, I get wayyyy too caught up in the standards set by other people and it just doesn't make it a fun time for me. 

I certainly have goals for the future as I've mentioned here in the past and on this post. 

Short-term goals include unfucking my lost package out of Chicago for god's sake and doing a proper haul video. It's truly a huge ass haul and one I think a lot of people would like. It's all cute shit.  I found some unknown rare brand and it kind of duals up with Lizzie's upcoming haul (we enabled each other and shopping together as gal pals do) so I'm really hoping my package gets unlost because it's truly a good one. If not, hey, you'll get to see pretty things from Lizzie because we bought from the same fucking brand (hell, I'm the one who showed some of the stuff to her and she lost her mind and she looks good in ALL of the stuff she bought btw).

 It's also summertime and I wanna wear my Alba at least once. However, I want an outfit pic and that's hard to do yourself and it's hard to ask the people you live with for help when they don't like your style and will most definitely give you shit for it. And at this rate? I'm already feeling low enough to where I don't need that type of energy in my life. I didn't ask for that. haha...But I know one day, it won't be that way. I just have to hold on for a minute and I'll be able to live my own life as I please without that type of toxicity. 

 I also have a manga rec video by a gal for gyaru/j-fashion people I wanna do and I've been taking notes and hoarding pics/scans for the video. I feel like a lot of recs are like...the otaku stereotype of gyaru and I'm just over it. Please, lemme give you some good ones. Hell, I even have some fun BL ones thrown in (god bless Ogeretsu Tanaka but I have more than just Neon Sign Amber, I promise haha)

I also will finally be going on another adventure next Thursday. It's a dentist appointment so no gyaru makeup because ahaha that shit would like right on the fuck off under those lights with water spraying. So I'll probably wear a really fun androg look with some of my new SPR clothing which will be fun. Imma treat it like dressing for an outdoor summer rock music festival or some shit. It's just way less eyecatching than LL or gyaru in general and the more intimidating/not hyper-feminine I look on public transportation, the less in danger I'll feel on it if that makes any sense. I only truly feel reassured when I have friends with me and even then, assholes still have the gall to try it. :') 

However, I'm thinking about vlogging my adventure post dentist trip since I have to stall around. I'll probably do it in the style of the vlogs you've seen with me with captions and my face cropped out (because I'll be wrecked after the dentist). We'll see how my phone holds up since the battery is absolute ass and I'm basically holding out until the 13 Pro drops so I can properly enjoy my gimbal without my phone shitting out. 

Anyway, sorry for this being a weird ass blog. I've been kind of feeling low for a few weeks and it felt nice getting shit off of my chest. Thank you guys as always for encouraging and just overall being patient with me.